Because I Always

I love it when we are together
when we do things that we both love

Talking under the big tree, enjoying the breeze
your head on my shoulder, I can smell the scent of your hair
Sitting on the couch, enjoying our lattes
you tell me stories about your recent trip to europe
Leafing through a magazine, discussing the photographs and the articles
you recount the days when you're still an intern in a high profile political magazine
Playing pingpong, try to outdone each other
you look sexy when your shirt begin to stain with sweats

I just don't want to let you go
I need to hold you tight in my arms

Because I always love it
when we're doing things that we really love together

What If?

What about having some nice espresso brownies and vanilla latte or decaf cappuccino at Starbucks? What if you opened your papercup lid to cool your cappuccino faster, so when you drink it its froth stayed on your upper lip forming a white mustache? You still look cute with that silly soup-strainer and you made me laugh by making faces until my eyes watered.

What about kissing your tender lips inside the car while we’re in the parking lot? I was whistling “Young Folks” when you whispered my nickname in such husky voice I turned around and stopped, lips still mouthing O. Your sexy thoughts flashed in your eyes I can see you burning inside. What if I told you that only by looking at your wet cherry lips I knew that all I want to do was kissing you right there at that moment?

What about lying together side by side on this white beach sands eyes gazing at the blue cloudless sky? The sun just rose the wind brought the salty taste of ocean air. Turning my head looking at you, sleeping soundlessly your smile widened. What if it was not me who was running around in your dream would you tell me that honestly when you wake later on?

What about your promise to be back here by my side to celebrate your birthday privately, just the two of us? You knew too well I can not cook anything but instant noodles, yet I tried hard to prepare your favorite pasta just to make you happy, to see you smile cheerfully. Because no matter what others may say about it being tacky, all I want to do in this world is to make you feel happiness with me.

What if I never let you go to your office that day?
What about staying in bed and cuddling for a little bit longer that day?
What if I made love to you in the shower which would definitely make you to arrive late to your meeting?
What about taking alternative routes just like what you usually did everyday so you wouldn’t be stuck in the daily traffic on that highway?
What if you forgot to bring your cellular phone which you left on the coffee table, and then you return just to pick it up?

You would still be here beside me.
I would never felt this kind of shocked watching that news.
You would still call me at noon just to make sure whether I already had lunch or not.
I would still find you in our place waiting for me to return home after working way until late.
You would still need me to go with you to bookstores and coffeehouses on weekends; “Just for the atmosphere,” like you always said.

I would still have you, you would still love me, I would hugged and kissed you a lot, you would still demanding more.

We would still have – and love – each other.

What ?! Who?! Me?! Jealous?! Huh?!?

Last weekend, while I and some close friends were hanging out sipping lattes at our favorite café, Bradley – whom I oftenly refer to as Gorgeous Bee – told me a surprising juicy gossip about this certain woman.

The freakishly mad woman, I should say.

He said she told him that I am jealous of her intimacy towards Delon Thamrin and Evan Sanders.

Oh My Goodness!
I’m jealous of who … ?!?!

Ha! Ha! Ha!
That was the most stupid gossip about me I have ever heard. So far.

I knew that she knew them since they were nobody (or so she said).
And yes, I also knew that she was there when they finally made it to stardom (again, so she said).

But witnessing her dangling around those two pretty boys when they already have so many people, especially pretty chicks, orbiting around them, moreover when she acted like one of those groupies, with eyes glimmered with hope that any of those two guys would pay any special attention to her, really made me sick.

Because to me, by acting like that she made herself looked very pathetic.
She made a fool out of herself. And out of me ...

Because she asked me to accompany her to those occasions when we met both guys, and considering that that was the least a good friend can do, I agreed.
But to see her lour herself as one of those groupies, really turned things worse.

I thought, “You can do that whenever, wherever, and in any which way you like, woman. But one thing for certain, you were not supposed to do that while you’re with me.”

And then after the said incidents, I told her that.
But I didn’t tell her that seeing her acting like that made me feel really sorry for her.
Because to me, and perhaps also to others, that made her look ridiculous silly.
And I just don't want to fall pity for her.

Because I know if I played honesty to her, by telling her the real reason, it would hurt her more.
Like she usually accused me of.
Like she had always believed I did those certain things in purpose.

Girl, how can you be so stupid?

Because if you read this now, you would find honesty in such a way I believe it will hurt your feeling even more.

I will tell you here and now and just for this once, so please pay attention closely:
I never feel jealous of you and your ‘so-called-intimate-relations’ with that out-of-tune Delon, or that overtly-self-conscious Evan, or even to our mutual friend, Gorgeous Bradley, whom told me this thing about you which gave the idea to this writing.

Never. Feel. Jealous.

Not yesteryear.
Not yesterday.
Not now.
Not tomorrow.
Not even in a million years.

I just hope – after reading this writing – you would stop make a fool out of yourself.




{ Original article of What?! Who?! Me?! Jealous?! Huh?!? was originally posted online in my now defunct Friendster’s blog under the title of Who?! Me?! Jealous?! Huh?! on March 14th, 2006, as a second part of The Anti-Malicious Girl Campaign 2006 }