Simulakra

Masih kuingat dulu ketika baru mulai masuk sekolah dasar, lewat hobinya mengisi teka-teki silang di Kompas Minggu, Bapak ‘menularkan’ hobinya membaca koran kepada kami anak-anaknya. Namun apabila dicoba mengingat-ingat kembali, sebenarnya ketertarikanku itu secara khusus dimulai dari keisenganku menggambarkan kacamata, kumis dan jenggot, serta memberikan tahi lalat di wajah sosok siapa saja yang menjadi foto utama di bawah headline. Biasanya keisengan ini berbuah omelan panjang lebar dari Ibu sebagai respon terhadap keluhan Bapak, yang terkadang masih pula ditambah dengan cubitan-cubitannya yang tajam menyakitkan, tapi entah mengapa, gagal membuatku jera.

Sekian tahun berlalu, akhirnya minat membaca koran yang sesungguhnya dan sebenar-benarnya bertumbuh, meski tentu saja, tidak bisa dan tidak akan kubaca semua artikel yang dicetak di dalam koran edisi manapun. Biasanya, selain berita utama, perhatianku lebih tertuju pada kolom Apa & Siapa, komik setrip serta Obituary. Terkait dengan yang terakhir itu, mohon jangan ditanya mengapa, karena aku tak bisa menjelaskannya. Yang jelas, Kompas Minggu adalah edisi paling menarik buatku untuk dibaca apabila dibandingkan dengan suratkabar lainnya.

Nyaris satu dekade mengonsumsi harian ini tanpa perlu berbagi dengan Bapak, khususnya di setiap edisi Minggu, lama-lama mulai terbaca ”pola” tulisan-tulisan yang dimuatnya. Para penulis (’reguler’ dan ’langganan’ ?) yang artikel-artikel humaniora dan budayanya seringkali dimuat Kompas, nyaris setiap saat mengutip pendapat para filsuf asing, seperti Nietzsche dan Baudrillard.
Jadi teringat dulu ketika masih duduk di bangku kuliah, nama kedua orang ini memang sering didengung-dengungkan oleh para dosen maupun rekan-rekan aktivis, tapi aku tak pernah bisa ingat dalam konteks apa (barangkali, postmodernisme) dan tak bisa peduli mengapa. Apalagi bila ada yang berbicara tentang Dialektika. Hah, makhluk macam apa pula itu?

Saking begitu seringnya nama kedua tokoh filsafat tersebut muncul dalam beragam tulisan dari para penulis yang berbeda-beda, membuatku sering bertanya-tanya sendiri, sebenarnya beliau-beliau ini dijadikan referensi karena konteksnya memang betul-betul cocok dan memperkuat serta memperkaya tulisan-tulisan tersebut, atau hanya karena si penulis ingin bermegah diri dan dianggap intelektual, atau menjadi sebagai semacam syarat tidak tertulis dari Dewan Redaksi Kompas agar tulisan-tulisan tersebut dianggap kredibel??

In The Darkness, You Stay

Words are never enough for me to say how much I miss you
Because you flew away from here too soon
It made me feel alone now without you

Yet every night when I close my eyes
I hear your voice so sweet and melancholy, just like an angel

Your words, they sing through me
Your voice, it brings you back
Here in the darkness of the starless nights
Back to where you belong

You are here even though you are gone
And I know that
Inside
You will always stay

This is You & I Now

Sitting here together for the first time in years
I can not understand why
It’s hard to remember how it felt before
How we felt before

Now I found the one that I love
Everything passes more comfortably
Life seems much easier to enjoy
Smiles show up easily

Things are getting right
For us both
This time

After all the obstacles we’ve tried to overcome
It’s good to see you now
With someone else
Loving
If not learning to love
Sharing things together with him
Holding hands while walking
Looking at each others eyes
Deep and meaningful glances exchange
Mutually understanding without changing any single word
Just like what we did back then

Back then we used to think “now” was hardly possible
But “now” all our worries gone untraced
Memories seem like so long ago
Shared sadness feels like non-existent
Time surely kills the pain

Do you remember the white beaches and the splashing waves
And the seagulls screaming above us under the bright cloudless sky?
The dreaming days were gone
Look at how we became
We have changed but we’re still the same

And now we’re hanging out with your new boyfriend
So far from where we have been
To me it’s such a miracle that
You and me are still good friends

After all that we’ve been through
Now, we are cool

Kirim Aku Bunga

Yap! Betul banget kalau dugaanmu seperti itu. Yang jadi judul entry kali ini diambil dari judul lagu salah satu group band terkeren negeri ini, Slank. Seperti biasa dengan lagu-lagu band ini, lirik lagu "Kirim Aku Bunga" emang asyik dan bermakna dalam getoh. Terus apa dong hubungannya dengan apa yang mau kutulis sekarang ini? Ga terlalu berkorelasi positif sih, soalnya cuma lagi pengen aja ngambil frase yang catchy gitu yang ada kata "bunga"-nya. Karena menurut petunjuk Bapak Presiden, hehehe ... – maaf ya Pak Harmoko yth., your era has long gone, cuma rada garing-garing kocak aja kalo balik ke masa jadul itu – anyway, sebenarnya yang mau aku sampaikan, menurut saran dari Bapak Stefan, guru mata pelajaran Bahasa Indonesia-ku di era sekolah menengah dulu, kalau mau tulisannya dibaca harus bisa menarik perhatian (calon) pembaca, dan itu tentunya butuh judul yang okeh. Jadilah kupakai judul semacam di atas itu. Nah, terus sekarang mau ngomongin apaan seh, you may ask. Sebenarnya sih memang mau ngomongin soal bunga. Tapi bukan bunga yang tumbuh-tumbuhan itu, karena tulisan ini ga ada kaitannya dengan tangkai kelopak putik benang sari dan segala macamnya itu, tapi mau ngrasani bunga yang artis itu. Iyaaa, yang juga ngetop dengan nama panggilan BCL. Sudah pada tahu dongs. Nah pertanyaannya sekarang, apa yang mau dibahas dari dara manis-manis manja group ini? (Disclaimer: BCL bukan merupakan salah satu anggota kwartet dangdut era 90-an awal itu) Satu hal yang rada-rada kurang penting juga sih. Masa semalam tuh aku mimpi, mimpi aneh sekali. Apa isinya? Sudah ga terlalu penting, dan emang rada-rada lupa juga apa persisnya, jadi ga perlu juga ditanyain karena ga bakalan dapat jawaban. Cuma garis besarnya doang yang masih bisa direka ulang. Jadi begini ceritanya ... (*dengan mimik serius a la narasumber serial cerita horor yang dulu sempat ngetop di RCTI*) Masa ya dalam mimpi aneh itu, aku ternyata berhubungan cukup dekat dengan si Bunga ini. Kurang lebih ya seperti orang pacaran gitu lah hubungannya, rutin nge-date dan semacamnya. Rada ga penting ya menurut kamu, secara BCL sekarang lagi seru-serunya dikabarkan berpacaran dengan cowok Malaysia itu? Ya terserah. Menurut aku sih jadi patut dipertanyakan saja mengapa bisa sampai demikian, soalnya ini adalah mimpi bersama selebriti-ku yang pertama, setidaknya dalam hitungan 3-4 tahunan belakangan ini. Dan dari sekian banyak artis atau selebritis yang pernah kubersua baik karena urusan pekerjaan maupun akibat pergaulan metropolis, atau yang hanya sekedar pernah lihat lewat layar kaca, masa yang dipilih alam bawah sadarku untuk dimimpikan adalah Bunga? Padahal ketemu BCL di Kemang juga waktu itu hanya karena kebetulan basa-basi belaka. Ngobrol juga engga kejadian. Makanya jadi aneh aja. Nah yang bikin bingung bin heran bin tak kuasa untuk berkata-kata, adalah karena di dalam mimpi itu ya, aku bisa sampai menganggap di antara kami berdua ada hubungan khusus, karena - lupa bagaimana awal mulanya - mendadak saja di dalam sebuah ruangan seperti rumah mewah gitu, si Bunga ini marah-marah kepadaku kaya akting dalam sinetron gitu, awalnya pakai mata melotot-lotot dan suara kenceng, tapi terus dia reduced to tears, nangis sesenggukan gitu. Terus aku jadi merasa sangat bersalah dan buat menenangkan Bunga, kurengkuh tubuhnya dan kupeluklah dia. Ciee ciee ... Jadi kaya adegan di film-film romantis ga penting itu, menangis di dalam pelukan. Abis itu aku terbangun dengan perasaan bingung dan penasaran karena akibat terbangun mendadak itu malahan jadi ga tau lanjutan mimpinya gimana. Adakah kiranya teman-teman yang membaca entry ini yang bisa membantuku mencari-tahu atau bahkan bisa bantu beri jawabannya ga? Mungkin kalau sudah kondisi penasaran kaya gini, bukan Bunga yang kubutuhkan - secara ga mungkin aja kan yaaa ..., plus ntar masuk infotainment pula - tapi berikan saja aku Yusuf. Bukan sembarang Yusuf, apalagi Yusuf anak Dokter Roland Siregar itu, karena aku saat ini justru sedang refer to that prophet yang memiliki kemampuan menafsirkan mimpi. Buat yang beragama Yahudi, Kristen maupun Islam (atau dibesarkan dengan mendapatkan pendidikan salah satu dari ketiga agama tersebut), tentu mengerti Yusuf mana yang aku maksud. Namun untuk bisa mendapatkan akses personal ke kedua sosok yang telah disebut di atas sama-sama impossible, yah minimal siapalah gitu yang punya kemampuan juga untuk tafsir mimpi bisa menolongku? Tapi please jangan suruh aku merujuk pada sumber-sumber literatur karya Sigmund Freud, apalagi mengharap dapat jawaban dari pembaca primbon yang minta sesajen kembang tujuh rupa (jadi teringat Suzanna di film Hantu Ambulance) atau sejenisnya. Karena yang terakhir itu lebih ga mungkin lagi secara emang ga percaya getoh. Tapi kalau bisa sih, jangan Ida juga yang tampil dan menawarkan bantuan sukarela, secara dia lebih sering tidak tepat dalam mengartikan mimpi aneh-aneh yang kualami (maaf ya, da!). Tapi menurut kamu yang baca entry ini, aneh ga sih kalau aku sampai mimpiin Bunga? Mudah-mudahan saja tidak yaa ...

Story Behind The Creation

Couples of years ago, from various sources of international online news services, I read that writing blog is the new trend in IT sphere. It was said that blogging regularly have many advantages. By blogging, you can improve your writing ability (of course!), make more friends, and in more recent cases, even helping out your career!

Well, at least I personally know someone who told me that he landed on his first job in Jakarta with such an unexpected help from his own blog. Even some big companies in U.S. of A. already admitted that blogging improved their brand image and boasted up sales, while at the same time they can get in touch personally with their consumers.
That was why all top executives in those companies go blogging, responding to every comment posted by their customers and people who visited their blog. Even Bill Gates, one of the very richest persons in the world, writes his own blog!

That’s why I started blogging in 2005, using then recently launched blog service from Friendster. Since I thought I have deep passion for creative writing, I didn’t see any damage could be done by posting my writings online. At least, I found a new medium to justify my narcissist-self. Ha! Ha!

Blogging was fun, until later in June of the same year, someone told me that some of my postings has stirred some gossips around The Neighborhood. People started talking, asking questions behind my back.

“Does he …?”
“But I thought …”
“Is he …?”
“That means for all this time he was …”

Even a friend from the buzzing Neighborhood felt some kind of obligation to ask me about the real meaning behind my writings posted on my blog.

“People are talking, you know. About you and what you’ve posted. They asked me whether I could confirm any of them. They’re curious. Because they thought for all this time you and I were into something.” (yeah, right! *rolling eyes*)

“Oh really? That’s good. That’s the reason I blogged. Even though at first I don’t think anyone would ever read them. But you know what? I feel quite happy now you’ve told me that. I mean, my writings are ‘that good’, right? That’s actually my intention posting them online. They were written and posted for one’s reading,” replied I (*compiled answers*). However I thought I just sounded defensive, didn’t I?

Munching the Mexican-style spicy grilled chicken breast, I tried to keep an emotionless face even though my mind was thinking hard. “That means I have to write more, but in a calmer tone. Gosh, I can’t wait!”

But then what was really happened back then was that I spent doing everything I could but write new materials and posted them online. Until one time near midnight when I was hanging around The Neighborhood with Bradley.

“I read your blog,” he said. “And I was wondering, why on earth you could be so open about you and still relax. I mean, you seem don’t have any hesitation revealing everything about you online. Because if I were you, I won’t be able to do things like that. I mean, with all those folks around this Neighborhood. I just won’t feel comfortable after posting things like the ones you wrote.”

He kept talking about me and my blog, trying hard to convince me that I’m that obvious, unlike his discreet personality; but all he said failed to catch my attention. My mind seemed automatically shut itself off of this topic.
“You’re not listening”, he protested. I just laughed, which made him stood and left me.

About a week later, Mr. Talent Guy of The Neighborhood, on a lunch gathering, suddenly asked me about my blog’s content. Since I don’t expect him as someone who’ll read my blog, it was like setting off an alarm to me.

“That’s it. They’re circulating some stories about me among them. Somehow, it makes me feel uneasy. Maybe I should quit writing anything that’ll bring up some issues on me.”

That was why I stopped blogging, and even went further by deleting the whole blog, yanked it off online.

Until Bradley brought it up again. “Why did you stop writing? I thought you enjoyed it. Thought we shared the same passion, that is writing.”

And others, I thought, but hey, that’s another story!

And he surely made me think: “I shouldn’t let anyone stop me from writing. I shouldn’t listen to them, to whatever they said about me. I love writing creatively. If I let anyone ever stand in my way like I did these past months, I won’t be able to enjoy the rest of my life.”

Which led to the creating of Life in The Time of Butterflies. This blog, that is.

Along Went December .07

And so I heard you are working as creative writer, eh? That’s interesting. So tell me, dear lad. How come you failed to write anything? Oh oh ... una momento, please let me restate it to you. You did not update your blog with any new postings on last December, right?

Oh, great. All I need is a little bit of support but hey. Is it too much that I have asked that out of you?

Perhaps it’s because you simply just don’t know, but to tell you the truth, this is the way of me telling you that I care about you. ... Eh, and your so-called creative works of writing.

Well, thanks. I’m so grateful to have you keeping records for me. Now would you please stop bullying me with questions? It’s just feels like accusations.

What?! Accusation? Whoa, wait a minute, young man! You’re not ...

Now hush! I need to concentrate. Hush... shhh...

* * *

Hohum. Baiklah. Aku tahu dan menyadari sepenuhnya bahwa bulan Desember 2007 telah berlalu hampir seminggu. Dan bahwa aku tidak pernah posting satu pun entry baru di Life in The Time of Butterflies selama bulan terakhir tahun kemarin itu. Silahkan menyangka (yep! Sengaja menghindari kata menuduh) diriku adalah seorang pemalas. Atau sudah kehilangan daya kreatif. Tidak apa-apa. I don’t see anything serious about it.
Hmm, hopefully I don’t sounds like a defensive person here.

But anyway, alasan sesungguhnya mengapa nyaris tidak ada postingan apapun selama bulan Desember 2007 adalah karena aku terlalu sibuk dengan pekerjaan, sama seperti jutaan pekerja lainnya di kota ini. Bedanya, mereka dikejar target dan deadline. Sedangkan aku, masih bisa bersyukur pekerjaanku tidak dibebani target macam-macam. Only deadlines. And they were enough!

Sejak masuk kerja lagi setelah libur panjang yang berlabel cuti bersama hari raya Idul Fitri, ritme pekerjaan dipacu nyaris tiga kali lipat lebih kencang daripada pada hari kerja biasa. Semua klien seakan-akan berlomba merancang acara dengan cara seksama dan dalam tempo sesingkat-singkatnya, atau setidaknya mereka merancang pitching yang prosesnya sudah harus selesai sebelum libur lagi di akhir tahun. Kebayang bagaimana hectic-nya suasana kantorku. Semua orang pulang selalu di atas jam 9 malam.

Yang membuat suasana semakin “rusuh”, at least to me personally, dalam kurun waktu antara awal November hingga akhir Desember 2007 adalah, being the only writer in my office, aku harus riset singkat mengenai sendratari Ramayana yang biasa dipentaskan di Prambanan dalam satu minggu, dilanjutkan dengan sejarah dan makna filosofis fortune cookies dan coklat praline di awal minggu berikutnya, makna dibalik prosesi penanaman dan penyiraman pohon dalam tradisi Jepang menjelang akhir pekan minggu yang sama, dan masih ada tentang gerakan penghijauan dan pencegahan pemanasan global (meskipun tidak ada kaitannya secara langsung dengan Konferensi Iklim yang berlangsung di Bali), proses quality control setiap unit sepeda motor hingga dinyatakan lulus uji dan siap untuk dipasarkan, serta mengenali beberapa symbol yang berkaitan dengan tradisi dan kebudayaan China, untuk minggu-minggu berikutnya. Masih ditambah dengan menuliskan profil singkat yang harus mengandung human interest tentang lima orang pencipta lagu dan 15 orang pejuang masyarakat yang berasal dari seluruh Indonesia.
Dan rasanya tidak perlu ditambahkan, semua topik dan profile hasil riset tersebut di atas harus dituangkan dalam bentuk tulisan (secara kerjaan writer getoh!) yang bersifat harus singkat namun komprehensif, serta mencakup sebanyak mungkin informasi.
Masih ditambah dengan satu kondisi, harus bisa selesai sesuai tenggat waktu yang diminta klien meskipun pada saat yang bersamaan ditugaskan pula keluar kota (dan saat itu kota Yogyakarta dilanda badai tropis), maupun keliling pusat-pusat bisnis di Jakarta dalam rangkaian meeting yang tidak ada habisnya.

Begitu sibuknya, sampai-sampai dalam satu ketika di masa-masa rusuh penuh pekerjaan itu, aku merasa totally fed up dengan pekerjaan dan otakku seperti menolak untuk berpikir kreatif.
Berjam-jam menghabiskan waktu duduk menatap layar monitor yang menampilkan halaman Microsoft Word yang masih bersih belum ada satu huruf pun. Highly critical condition, first degree. In which this condition, in a more or lesser sense, was in-exclusively mine; and I believe also is very much familiar to many writers. So there’s no point for me bragging about it.

But hey, I am here right now. Artinya, thank goodness, krisis tersebut berhasil diatasi dengan lumayan memuaskan pihak-pihak yang terlibat.
Dan semuanya tentunya berkat bantuan pihak-pihak tertentu, mulai dari menyediakan setumpuk berkas profile 20 orang (yang harus disarikan dalam tempo 24 jam) maupun menemani ngobrol-ngobrol tidak jelas a la warung kopi saat otak sudah terasa terlalu panas untuk diajak berpikir cerdas.

Dan tentu saja, itu artinya di awal bulan pertama tahun 2008 ini, aku harus lebih bersemangat lagi dalam menulis. Dan meng-update blog ku ini.
Because now I now I do really need this. To channel my ideas. Or as a mean to reflect my thoughts and feelings.

And perhaps sometimes, as a medium to brag to you dear fellow readers, on how one of my earlier work helped Dian Sastrowardoyo accomplished her very first job as a host for an awarding night.

Push the Button

At last.

My so-called first two blog entries since ages.

I already deleted MySpace account, deactivate Multiply and leave Friendster’s Blog dormant.

Perhaps now is the (right) time to re-actualize (again) myself in this virtual jungle where everybody has the same equal right to be narcissistic. Or not.

Well, my N5700 XpressMusic just *beep!* with another update from yet another Kevin Cupp’s updates in my Twitteriffic account.

Do I really need another blog if I already have the more challenging tightly-limited 140 characters only in my Twitter account?

As you can see, I need something to put up some more thoughts. Longer versions.

So here I am with my first two entries in this new blog of mine.

Not a Starbucks Addict

Being a self-acclaimed Starbucks addict, which many of my close friends would no doubt agree, I never thought I would find - well, online - these two guys : Mark Malkoff who visited all 171 Starbucks stores in Manhattan in one day, and Winter who has been on a personal mission to visit EVERY Starbucks stores in the world, who were by far outweighed my so-called Starbucks addict.

I guess, comparing to those two, using picture of me holding up a grande-size cup exposing Starbucks logo in full view as my Friendster's primary photo, or collecting 20 stamps in order to get Starbucks' limited 2007 time-planner (and by doing so spending US $ 65 for lattes in a single month), or setting up various appointments for casual meetings with friends at any closest Starbucks stores, or submitting a 3000 words essay on Starbucks Summer Writing Contest 2006, does not count as being a Starbucks-addict, does it ?

It All Started With a Phone-call

Last Thursday (April 14th) while I was in a break of shooting between episodes of "Your Face or Mine?" game show, suddenly my 'official' cellphone (i.e. one of my three handsets) rang. Thought it was from someone at the office, regarding its caller ID (the number).
Well, it was true from someone at the office, but my previous one.
The headquarter office of a national TV station, famous with it's variety show, the one with "that gay guy of arisan!", and a stripping sitcom featuring a bajaj-driver with his salon-owner wife and a witty-old mother-in-law.

He (my friend who called me, that was) asked me some updates on my life (which has nothing new, beside a confusing (miss- ?) communication with a flight attendant-slash-freelance model-slash-new friend, which of course I would not mention at that time), and I told him everything was fine indeed.

Then he asked me to write more, because according to him, he likes to read what I wrote. Funny, since I wrote in such 'places' that I'm sure he does not have access to (such as my alumni restricted mailing-list).

Yeah, anyway, he asked me to start writing a blog of my own. On Friendster's blog.
Well, it did not mean that I had not think about it previously. In fact, many times.

But my own very personal reason is that I don't have enough time to write stuffs regularly.
And I don't really feel into things regularly. I get bored often. And quite fast.
That's why I never finished the 1000 pieces puzzle my sister gave for Christmas present which I started rearranging two months ago.

Also "The English Patient" novel Astrid brought me from Perth which I started reading four years ago. And who knows for how long I will (or can ?) maintain this so called Friendster blog of mine ?

Let's see, because I myself am so curious to find it out.

So, Chip, thanks for your call and that hilarious chit-chat we had. Because of those sincere attention, I started this blog from today.

And for you, guys and girls (*trying not to sound sexist*), friends, if you have any slightest interest in me or just like to read ANYTHING that I feel like to write down in this blog, I wish you "Happy Reading!", and enjoy !!


[Mampang Prapatan, South Jakarta. Originally posted in MarkO's Friendster's blog, April 20th, 2005. 6:47 PM]