To The Dearly Departed

while
the light
lasts
i will
always remember,
and when
the darkness
falls
i shall
never forget.

This Guy is ...

pretty much occupied with these ...

Will There Be Enough for You?

Would not there be enough for you?
Such an egoistic self-centered girl who lives in constant state of delirium.

Would not there be enough for you?
Not only have you ruined your life with your neurotic psychological condition,
you also want other people to jump off of the edge of sanity with you.

Would not there be enough for you?
Becoming a pathological liar could not satisfy your gargantuan ego;
creating extravagant stories spreading unimaginable lies has become your self-destructive habit.

Would not there be enough for you?
Saying you only need friendship from me,
but all the things you have done only reflected your needs for more and more than just that.

Would not there be enough for you?
You told me how you lose so many close friends back then;
and accusing them of intended refusal to understand you,
even abandoning you, stranded alone in the desert of loneliness and hopelessness,
but now it seem to me that you were the one who scared them away with your attitude.

Would not there be enough for you?
It scared me how you laughed off and ignored all suggestions from your close friends who are just a few left still standing beside you, trying to help you keep a firm grip on reality.

Would not there be enough for you?
When I asked you to stop doing things that only made me feel cheap and caused people gossiping I used you for my own good,
you responded in such an impolite manner accusing me of becoming a high-nosed ungrateful guy.

Would not there be enough for you?
When I told you "friends don't kiss" and “sex is the fastest way to ruin friendship” but for that single occurrence I had you forgiven.
But all you did in return was spreading stories that you had made it out with me at different times and on different places.

Would not there be enough for you?
You still have your little princess beside you, who still needs you so much;
instead you ignored her for other things you could not have and never will.

So I asked you once again,
Will there be enough for you?




{ Original version of Will There Be Enough For You? was originally posted on my now defunct Friendster’s blog on March 24th, 2006, as the fourth part of The Anti-Malicious Girl Campaign 2006 }

Alone Again, Naturally

In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top will throw myself off
In an effort to make it clear to whoever
What it's like when you're shattered


Left standing in the lurch at a church
Where people saying:
"My God, that's tough"
"He stood him up"
"No point in us remaining"
"We may as well go home"
As I did on my own

Alone again, naturally


To think that only yesterday
I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to, who wouldn't do,
The role I was about to play?

But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt


Talk about God in His mercy
Who, if He really does exist,
Why did He desert me?

In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally


It seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that can't be mended
Left unattended
What do we do?
What do we do?


Alone again, naturally


I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally






{ Explanatory Statement: certain parts from the original lyrics were altered to fit in with the intended mood }

L'enfant se cache

I watched l'Enfant last Saturday.
The only reason why I went to this year’s Festival Sinema Perancis and watched that particular feature was because it won Palm d'Or on last year Cannes Film Festival.

Actually, I do have another option to watch, and that would be Caché, another French feature starred by one of my favorite actress, Juliette Binoche.

But after making some quick assumptions, taking into calculations the fact that the latter only got nominated for the award and the first one took home the ultimate honor, I opted for The Child (a.k.a. l'Enfant) instead.

In the first 10 minutes of its screening, somehow I knew I made a mistake by choosing this feature.

My Goodness!

It was extraordinarily boring, almost a mind numbing experience.
I can not wait for it to end.
Fin.

So I could express my much disappointment to my friends who were watching Caché instead. Even though the festival’s ticket only cost me less than any tall Starbucks frappucino, I still feel cheated by the award-winner label.

But somehow, still I managed to find some moral lessons from its story:
First, youngsters should be given full access to family-planning devices, so that the girls would not get pregnant easily.
Second, pricks are everywhere. They should be punished (as a harsh lesson) for every harm and mistake they did to others.
Third, Belgian movies sometimes sucks (after some browsing, I found out that l'Enfant was actually a non-French feature that unintentionally reminded people of Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment).
Fourth, never take Golden Palm winners for granted. Yes, you should never trust European's tastes, especially those French people (even though this was actually a Belgian-made).
Fifth, movies about animals (i.e. La Marche de l'empereur) sometimes were much better than human-starred ones.

Perhaps I should've stick with Caché instead...





{ Original article of L'enfant se cache was posted online in my Friendster’s Bulletin Board under the title of 21 Jimmys of l’Enfant on June 5th, 2006 }

What ?! Who?! Me?! Jealous?! Huh?!?

Last weekend, while I and some close friends were hanging out sipping lattes at our favorite café, Bradley – whom I oftenly refer to as Gorgeous Bee – told me a surprising juicy gossip about this certain woman.

The freakishly mad woman, I should say.

He said she told him that I am jealous of her intimacy towards Delon Thamrin and Evan Sanders.

Oh My Goodness!
I’m jealous of who … ?!?!

Ha! Ha! Ha!
That was the most stupid gossip about me I have ever heard. So far.

I knew that she knew them since they were nobody (or so she said).
And yes, I also knew that she was there when they finally made it to stardom (again, so she said).

But witnessing her dangling around those two pretty boys when they already have so many people, especially pretty chicks, orbiting around them, moreover when she acted like one of those groupies, with eyes glimmered with hope that any of those two guys would pay any special attention to her, really made me sick.

Because to me, by acting like that she made herself looked very pathetic.
She made a fool out of herself. And out of me ...

Because she asked me to accompany her to those occasions when we met both guys, and considering that that was the least a good friend can do, I agreed.
But to see her lour herself as one of those groupies, really turned things worse.

I thought, “You can do that whenever, wherever, and in any which way you like, woman. But one thing for certain, you were not supposed to do that while you’re with me.”

And then after the said incidents, I told her that.
But I didn’t tell her that seeing her acting like that made me feel really sorry for her.
Because to me, and perhaps also to others, that made her look ridiculous silly.
And I just don't want to fall pity for her.

Because I know if I played honesty to her, by telling her the real reason, it would hurt her more.
Like she usually accused me of.
Like she had always believed I did those certain things in purpose.

Girl, how can you be so stupid?

Because if you read this now, you would find honesty in such a way I believe it will hurt your feeling even more.

I will tell you here and now and just for this once, so please pay attention closely:
I never feel jealous of you and your ‘so-called-intimate-relations’ with that out-of-tune Delon, or that overtly-self-conscious Evan, or even to our mutual friend, Gorgeous Bradley, whom told me this thing about you which gave the idea to this writing.

Never. Feel. Jealous.

Not yesteryear.
Not yesterday.
Not now.
Not tomorrow.
Not even in a million years.

I just hope – after reading this writing – you would stop make a fool out of yourself.




{ Original article of What?! Who?! Me?! Jealous?! Huh?!? was originally posted online in my now defunct Friendster’s blog under the title of Who?! Me?! Jealous?! Huh?! on March 14th, 2006, as a second part of The Anti-Malicious Girl Campaign 2006 }

Silly Guy

You know how much I’m in love with you, you silly guy
Anyone can see it, for it becomes too apparent in their eyes

But now I wonder what is it with you, you silly guy
I can feel your heart beating peculiarly fast in this chance meeting

Do you want me to take these all away, you silly guy?
Let’s not be so sure because even though I do it now, still we have it all later in the end

You know too well I’m not an optimistic person, you silly guy
But when I find you here in this place I feel this is where I belong

In the place where we know the bond between us will make us prevail
You and I both, two silly guys

Oreos Should Be ...

Banned.

Because:

1. I have become addicted to them.
2. I always feel the urge to eat those chocolate sandwich cookies everyday.
3. I could finish the whole lot 150 grams pack per day.
4. I have gained a couple of kilograms in these past couple of months
5. I could now start my very own Oreo memorabilia with Oreo’s collectible bonuses I got each time I buy special packaged Oreos (that consists of diaries, CD cases, drinking bottles, and the list goes on and on ...)

That is why I think Oreos should be banned.



{ Oreos Should Be ... was originally posted online on my Friendster's Bulletin Board on June 21st, 2006 }

Cinta, Di Titik Nol

Dapatkah seseorang hidup tanpa Cinta di dalam hatinya?

Entahlah. Rasanya tidak.
Karena hingga sampai hari ketika aku menuliskan ini, belum pernah sekalipun aku berjumpa dengan seseorang yang tidak memiliki Cinta, meskipun mungkin hanya sedikit, di dalam hatinya, dan memberikan kehangatan bagi jiwanya.

Atau pun jika pernah berjumpa, tapi aku tidak melihatnya, tidak menyadarinya. Karena di dalam lubuk hati ini aku selalu percaya, bahwa tanpa ada Cinta sesedikit apapun di dalam hati seseorang, meskipun barangkali hanya sebesar biji sesawi, maka sesungguhnya dia – jiwanya – tidaklah hidup.

Hingga tibalah suatu hari ketika aku menemukan kutipan berikut ini, di dalam salah satu novel karya Nawal el-Saadawi, Perempuan di Titik Nol.
Novel ini bertutur tentang seorang perempuan Mesir bernama Firdaus yang sejak masa kanak-kanaknya telah mengalami begitu banyak kegetiran hidup dan penderitaan. Ia tumbuh dalam kubangan lumpur kemiskinan. Cinta yang bertumbuh di dalam hatinya tidak pernah mendapat balas. Bukannya kebahagiaan, melainkan sakit yang seringkali ia terima. Bukan hanya sekali dia diperkosa. Dan tidak terhitung pula berapa kali tubuh dan jiwanya dianiaya. Menjadi pelacur pun terpaksa dilakoninya, demi untuk dapat bertahan hidup.
Hingga akhirnya liku-liku jalan kehidupan membawa Firdaus bertemu dengan seorang perempuan yang dengan bijak mencoba membantunya menemukan makna kehidupan. Dan juga Cinta, yang selama ini masih terus dicarinya karena belum pernah sekalipun ditemukannya.

Kutipan yang akan segera Anda baca berikut ini – meskipun tidak persis sama seperti teks aslinya – merupakan rangkaian dialog yang berlangsung di antara kedua perempuan tersebut, Wafeya dan Firdaus, yang sama-sama sedang berdiri di titik yang menentukan dalam perjalanan hidup mereka masing-masing. Perempuan yang satu dengan dan yang lainnya tanpa Cinta di dalam hatinya.

Wafeya: “Ada sesuatu di wajahmu yang memberi kesan, bahwa kau sedang jatuh cinta.”
Firdaus: “Tetapi tanda apa pada wajah seseorang yang dapat menimbulkan dugaan, bahwa orang itu jatuh cinta?”
Dia menggelengkan kepala dan berkata, “Aku tidak tahu. Tetapi aku merasa, bahwa kau khususnya, adalah orang yang tidak dapat hidup tanpa jatuh cinta.”
Firdaus: “Justru aku hidup tanpa cinta.”
Wafeya: “Jadi kau hidup di dalam dusta, atau sama sekali tidak hidup.”

Begitu kubaca jawaban Wafeya itu, sejenak kutertegun. Lantas bertanya pada diri sendiri: Adakah Cinta di dalam hatiku?

Aku yakin tentulah ada, meskipun barangkali hanya sebesar biji sesawi.
Karena hidup yang aku jalani jauh lebih bahagia daripada jalan kehidupan yang ditempuh Firdaus.
Dan kesadaran ini, sesuatu yang seharusnya sudah kuketahui tapi entah bagaimana tersembunyi di dalam benakku, membuatku kembali berpikir dalam-dalam, bahwa pendapat Wafeya sungguh sangat benar adanya.

Karena jika tidak ada Cinta di dalam hatiku, bisa jadi aku hidup di dalam dusta, atau sama sekali tidak hidup.




{ Cinta, Di Titik Nol pertama kali dipublikasikan online pada tanggal 7 Juni 2006 dengan judul Love, at Point Zero di dalam blog Friendster-ku yang kini sudah tidak aktif. Setelah mengalami beberapa penyesuaian kontekstual, tulisan yang aslinya didedikasikan “Untuk Cintaku, my Lovely Masai Lion, yang telah ‘memberi aku alasan untuk hidup’” ini kembali dapat Anda baca di sini }