As I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Recently, I always fall asleep in Jack’s company.

But in many nights before that, it was either with Whitney or Charlotte, or sometimes, Sarah.

Am I becoming gay?

Oh dear, of course ... not (necessarily)!

In good company of Sarah at nights just before I go to bed always reminded me of Billy. Con Te Partiro. Even that day when we had our breakfast under the brightly morning sun, the hotel’s internal loudspeakers played that song serendipitiously. As if it was played simply for our benefit on that very relaxing occasion. And that was also became the single-yet-main reason why I decided to change the tune and let her joined others in the CD shelves.

Sleeping with Charlotte reminded me of Louise. Simply because to me, she has The Heart That Mattered Most. But where is Louise now? We lost contact a year before I graduated from Uni. Does she live well with her aunt by migrating to Canada right after graduating college? Did she complete her master degree in arts like she planned to? Did she manage to get a decent and kind husband just like what her mother has hoped her to find? I don’t know answers to these and many other related questions, and I just don’t think I want to talk about it, at least for now. Because it’d reminded me of how forgetful and ignorant I am to her. That was why I threw Charlotte under the others inside the musical chest.

Moments before I closed my eyes at nights while being in romantic company of Whitney on Valentine’s week always reminded me of Cintaku, my Love.R, who works far across the sea. Cintaku is the one special someone who turned my world upside down. The one exceptional person who could make sparkling little diamonds rolling down my cheeks while listening to Chris or Titi. The One, like Shakira sang compassionately, I need. If only I can say that illustrious line from Dorothy to Jerry, “You completed me” to my Love.R, face to face, in person, everyday …
But Whitney also reminded me of some regretful things of the past.

So, in such desperate effort to keep the memories at bay, I decided to change my sleeping company. I turned to Jack - a better substitute from George whom I slept over with couple of nights ago while working late way until past midnight. Jack had me thinking of how happy I could become if only I could live a life like his:
Surrounded by everyone he loves.
Doing everything he wants and enjoys his life to the fullest.
Riding the waves at mornings and writing love songs at nights.
Making banana pancakes while playing ukulele and watching the rain fell outside.
And not only sitting, waiting, wishing for his love to come, … at last.

As I lay myself down to sleep, I fell in love with Jack’s way of treasuring “how it is always better when we’re together”.

So this is for you, Cintaku, Jack's 'Better Together':

But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between
With only two
Just me and you